And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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