I just threw up on my dentist
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
