He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
