we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
