Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
