Porn is love you can see.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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