My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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