it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
