Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
