Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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