You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
