You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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