you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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