I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
