Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i dont even know how to be here
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
