god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
