Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
