Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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