i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
