Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
