just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
