I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
