So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
