Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
