so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
