I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
