grandma shit on top of the toilet
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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