Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
