he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
