just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
