he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
