in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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