but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
