I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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