Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
