the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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