Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Houston, we have a squirter
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
