he wants to bone in the snuggie
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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