Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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