So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
