mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The police scanner is talking about you again....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
