i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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