your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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