You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
