Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
