I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
