I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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