I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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