Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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