loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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