i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
