Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
