Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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