I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
