I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
