My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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