in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
