He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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