I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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