1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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