Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
