someone owes me an orgasm
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
