In the future we'll all be gay
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
