My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
