we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
