last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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