Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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