Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
