But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
