My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
