there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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