yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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