We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
