More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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